Friday, August 25, 2006

Stay...

Yes... another attempt at a story... lame title but wotever... hehe... if you like fluff and melodrama read on... if you dont... stop right here and do something constructive like rubbing your belly and head at the same time... its a "straight" story... and thats just it... its a story... FICTICIOUS!!! :) i changed the title...

For PART 2... scroll down...


PART 1...

Its 2:13 am and this inertia won’t seem to let go of its grip on me. Forcing me down into this sofa, forcing me back into those memories of her and me and when everything seemed good. Gravity threatens to pull my glass of vodka away from my fingers as I let it dangle… wondering how many pieces it would shatter into if I did let it go? Would one of those pieces find its way through my flesh? Randomness is truly when you get to act like a genius… that’s probably how these stupid laws were invented… randomness and right now I am arbitrary, all haphazard without order… or purpose…

My black phone rests on the table in between my smokes and a half empty bottle of Absolut… as if to say this arrangement had some sort of deranged meaning… but I am in fact waiting for that phone to ring… waiting for her… again… cause I have missed her so much this night. I wanted her… I needed her tonight… more than ever… required her… more than anything else… cause right now all I wanted was to know she was in the kitchen making coffee, or she was somewhere… near…

But that God damned phone won’t ring! I am drunk and impatient… I pour my self another glass… only half this time… and I light a smoke… thick wafts of its blissfully deadly mist stream down my throat, let it settle… mingle… work its way to my head… and release… its no good sitting here… I have work tomorrow and an unsatisfied client to deal with… but just then… just as I got up with my glass in one hand and ciggy in the other… the phone rings… twice… thrice… and I am still with my back facing it… wondering if it could be her… four times… if she was in fact right there… that I could speak to her… five times… hear her hoarse yet sultry voice echo its way to my head… melt me right there… and I whirled and picked it up…

“Hullo,” I clear my throat.

“Dude…,” and all hope floats away, its only my friend/cousin Saif.

“What is it? I was sleeping,” I lie with a hint of annoyance though I did not mean for it to come out like that… I don’t want him to know I had become weak… that I had given up… no, not I… Ozzie is unbreakable… and yet here I am fallen to pieces…

Neha his Indian wife comes on the phone… I do enjoy her company more than I do his.

“Ozzie… jaan…” I grumble, “No! you listen to me now!! I know your drunk! And I know you shouldn’t be alone right now so Saif is coming over… buss… I won’t hear anything else.” I loved it when she said buss… it kinda had a breezy sorta hiss to it… I smiled to myself and walked away pulling the phone and astray to the floor…

“Shit!” now she’ll definitely send him over!

“He’ll be there in 15 minutes… OK!”

The line went dead… receiver placed back on the phone, now lying on the floor amongst ash, cigarette butts and one half of the broken clay ashtray…
I should put on some pants before he comes around… wont be nice to see me in my boxers! I drag my drunken feet towards the bathroom… looking for a t-shirt maybe somewhere on the floor. Swaying your head too fast can be quite nauseating if your as sloshed as I am! But isn’t that the purpose of drinking… to get drunk… to edge so close to the edge and prance about there precariously for a while and then hurl. Hurl it all out… and then repeat the cycle… but this feeling of pleasant wastedness, I would like to retain a while longer…

A green shirt hangs behind the door with a pair of knee torn jeans… my pretty rags… adorned with appropriate attire I make my way to the sink and slash some hot water onto my face… too hot… but pain is good… and back I waddle into the chilled room with the low saffron glow, I light another fag… a smooth drag and I find my way to the glass doors of my balcony… 10 floors up… I lean against it… when randomness leads you in moments like these its only best to follow…

The sky is a strange eerie blue with all the lights in the city trapped in the clouds above. I sigh and there is fog on the glass in front of me and it seems alright to close my eyes… and maybe dream a little… and just like that she was there… with her back pressed into me… looking out the window… my hands run through her brown wet hair… she tilts her head to one side and her hair falls to her front… her skin glowing honey… smell of sweet almonds rose from her neck… that I kiss… again and again… biting her ear and whispering a sweet syrupy something that makes her smile… my hands run down her front… tracing lines and mapping every bit of flesh, so attractively molded… with the other hand I follow those slender arms from shoulder to finger tip… and something gives way… the heat… the unmistakable fire I felt for her… and I want her so terribly… to hold… to love… to complete me… she turns to face me… and looks straight into my eyes… and into her eyes I gaze… drowning in them… lost in those brown eyes that dance about my face finding some way to read my mind… and I tell her she can’t and she laughs…

Sara… the words echo and like that this reverie is over. I find myself sitting on the floor still leaning against the glass doors… my cigarette, ash to the tip. The door bell rings… 15 minutes couldn’t have passed so quickly… I check the watch only to realize I had been sitting here for nearly half an hour. My head is throbbing, the alcohol and memories making a green toxic paste inside of me. I open the door, and its Saif as expected. Handsome guy, who still retained his youth from our days of stoning on the roof top, to prowling the streets of a new neighborhood, just cause we were too drunk to find a new years party, but now it seems like a thing only spawned from the figments of my imagination… now that he’s married and settled... with Neha.

It was Neha who introduced me to Sara… at some lame dinner. Too bad no one knew she was as destroyed as I was. That she was past the whole chastity before marriage thing, past quite a lot of things, soon to be myself as well…

“Are you going to let me in or are we going to stare at each other all night.”

I turn around without saying anything and walk to the sofa, plop down and pour myself a drink, one for him too…

“Neha sent some food, its in the fridge for later…” he said as he walked out of the kitchen. “…Yaar, what the fuck are you doing to yourself!? Look at yourself! You look like shit.”

“I’m fine.” I state calmly.

“Please when I believe that I’ll believe anything!” He reaches for the shot I poured for him.

“If you’re here to fuckin lecture me about how fucked I am, you’d want to take a look in the mirror before you leave…” maybe I shouldn’t be saying all this, but venom is all I have right now, “…you homosexual fuck!” Yes it was true, he denies it but I did eventually find out about a certain guy he did sleep around with. I wouldn’t really have a problem with it if he’d actually fess up to it, but whatever… it doesn’t concern me…

He shifted uneasily and a face drawn in like I had smacked him… I regretted it… after so many years I shouldn’t have brought it up. I thought he’d leave but he stayed seated… only saying in his most casual sounding tone, “I’m glad we’re past that…”

“Sara is gone, the sooner you realize that the better, she was never good for you…”

“But how could she not be good for me when I loved her so much?” I cut in.

“Why can’t you see the mess she left you in? You knew she was sleeping around and you knew about her drug problem! So why the hell can’t you see she wasn’t good for you?”

“Simply because I loved her! She needed me and I need her! I don’t want the perfect housewife, I want her simply because I wouldn’t have any one else.”

“Did she love you back?” the sword through my swollen brain. “Well did she? She certainly had a fine way of showing it I’d reckon! The fact is your drunk and you hardly make sense to yourself anymore than you do to me! You’ll get over it… by tomorrow...”

And the anger blurred everything… made everything look red… words came out like I knew they would…....................

..... to be contd......

PART 2...

“SHE”S CARRYING MY CHILD!!” I scream at him. “SHES FUCKING PREGNANT!! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OVER THAT!!”

Stumped… his expression unreadable as he tried to register what he just heard, trying to search somewhere locked in his head, the appropriate reaction, the right words… but his silence was more befitting right now…

“But how… you… then why… how long!” no structure to his words… “When was this? I mean why didn’t you tell me!?”

“Because I didn’t care that she was! Because I wanted her to have my child! Because I wanted to love her! Marry her!”

“Then who… how?”

“She didn’t exactly climb on top of her self and land herself pregnant now did she!” I retorted, simply annoyed with how stupid he could be. My head aching with intoxication… I wanted to hurl…

“You do know that you’re the father don’t you?”

“For fucks sake! Your doing a fine job of crapping on our friendship!”

“OK! So its yours, how long has it been?”

“About 2 months… maybe more…” I couldn’t keep it in anymore! And I broke down! Tears and all… staring at the floor cause I was too embarrassed to look up… just then I felt his hand on my shoulder and I looked up through already blurry eyes… “Bring her back Saif! Please bring her back! Find her from some place! Pleeease…” I sobbed on his shoulder! Clutching tight at his shirt from behind, his presence was now welcome… he’d find a way to find her… bring her back...

And like that I passed out... waking up in my bed... my head spinning out of control as the remnants of alcohol swirled in my vessels… oh God! What happened to me last night? What did I say to Saif? Sara... I whirl around to focus on the alarm clock on my bedside table... its 10:45am! Fuck! My client! The door bell rings...

7 Comments:

Blogger pSycho-baBbler said...

People who drink and smoke up and shit, always manage to feel things and write about them in a better fashion.

I'm seriously envious *turning green* :P

7:22 AM  
Anonymous wild1 said...

not baaad!!

4:34 AM  
Blogger Barooq said...

Ozair.
I am too lethargic to write for a living.
Plus, who'd publish horseshit ?;)

1:45 AM  
Blogger Ozair said...

sometimes horseshit... is the best... :D

5:53 AM  
Blogger Barooq said...

See that is a very general question. I dont know how to answer that

1:20 AM  
Blogger Barooq said...

Baba I said I am too lethargic. So i donot know when would I come out of my characteristic languor to write something.
And I am an electrical engineer, in Telecom industry.
And ofcourse there is a point of being with pseudonym in blog world. :S

P.S
Why aint you writing much nowadays?

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not bad i guess .even though it's probably just another story, but it's strange how dese stories some how end up relating to u in a way or another .

i'm just going through the worst time of my life ..and it couldnt get sadder...so maybe some how i have started to associate every other thing with my personal life .

any how..back to your story...it remind's me of my past which is only around a month old - the only difference is that i'm a girl and my guy left me , without even letting me know or inform...which is totally biased and i still cant get over that..i loved him , and unfortunately he never did . he just used me.later threw me on the side , as if i never existed. i always waited desperately for my phone to ring , but he never called back . and i was left there to suffer . too bad i cant even drink to let my misery go away for a while . it sucks to be the one who has to carry all the burden all alone . life's strange .

4:30 PM  

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