Recess Files... Contd
Betrayal in the air… So thick, the smell it wafts around me… Covers everything you touch… Every word that you speak is coated in it… like drops of sweet nothings that I would so desperately like to believe… Every gesture one moment too late… every utterance confirming this fate… Do you really think no one could tell? Did you really think that I wouldn’t be able to smell the stench of it all? Your crap? Your guile?
You know I really didn’t deserve this… and then you question my silence… because I would rather not have you speak at all than let you lie again… it was that simple yet you did not understand… now you tell me? Who is to blame for the distance you are feeling? Is it me, for trying…? Is it me, for caring…? Is it me for giving in? Tell me…?
To me you are as lost as I am to myself… but at least I can salvage something from this wreck I call me! Yes salvage! Constantly caught up in yourself… you forget those who actually should matter and would always care without the justifications you seek! YOU blame me of being aloof!! Don’t you dare!! Can I help it!??
You break little parts of me and yet I let you… hoping that you will come around! That you would finally see that I have been so good to you and now all I can feel is bad? WHY!? WHY!? It would take you less than a second to sell me out around the bend and you claim to lay your life down if I requested? Funny enough isn’t it? When I am the one with the tortuous mangled body on the floor? I am already dead so claim not what you never could fulfill!
Let us see what you have left in you when I am gone… when I will no longer be around for you to lean on!? When your all alone as I am now?! Will you find the solace that you are so desperately digging for in a ground that’s so cold and hard your fingers are numb?
And so I will wait… and I will watch from afar… but I will not laugh and nor will I envy, if you find true respite in any way… and now for the first time in a long time I wish you gone… and make real this distance you only once felt…
You know I really didn’t deserve this… and then you question my silence… because I would rather not have you speak at all than let you lie again… it was that simple yet you did not understand… now you tell me? Who is to blame for the distance you are feeling? Is it me, for trying…? Is it me, for caring…? Is it me for giving in? Tell me…?
To me you are as lost as I am to myself… but at least I can salvage something from this wreck I call me! Yes salvage! Constantly caught up in yourself… you forget those who actually should matter and would always care without the justifications you seek! YOU blame me of being aloof!! Don’t you dare!! Can I help it!??
You break little parts of me and yet I let you… hoping that you will come around! That you would finally see that I have been so good to you and now all I can feel is bad? WHY!? WHY!? It would take you less than a second to sell me out around the bend and you claim to lay your life down if I requested? Funny enough isn’t it? When I am the one with the tortuous mangled body on the floor? I am already dead so claim not what you never could fulfill!
Let us see what you have left in you when I am gone… when I will no longer be around for you to lean on!? When your all alone as I am now?! Will you find the solace that you are so desperately digging for in a ground that’s so cold and hard your fingers are numb?
And so I will wait… and I will watch from afar… but I will not laugh and nor will I envy, if you find true respite in any way… and now for the first time in a long time I wish you gone… and make real this distance you only once felt…
posted by Ozair at 9:32 AM
5 Comments:
Ozair: HIII my fellow lone ranger!!lol
Your writing is amazing, I'm pleasantly surprised.
"and now for the first time in a long time I wish you gone… and make real this distance you only once felt…" This was beauty.
The entire post was a work of art, exhuberating reality, intense emotions and the ever present tug of war between lovers. The photograph you pikd is wicked too!
Keep writing.
Sonia
shabaash!
As Sonia says: pleasently surprised.
Which is wrong actually since there's nothing pleasent about this post. But you've done the needful. You've stuck your hand down your thraot and dragged out, kicking and screaming, that which if left sulking in its corrosive tomb within would only rot your insides.
Welcome brother!
you just have to become a mad writer/philosopher
beheh
without jokes, thou is growing as a writer and i like ur thought process.
very clear and very raw
me likey it and ohh some camus style writing comin up soon
heh
Sonia!! *salute* (lone ranger salute) heheh!! thanx yaar!! glad u like me writing... u should chk some off me poetry maybe ud like that... the very early poetry that is... :) by the way when do i get to see YOUR sketches? :D
Beknighted sir! :) thank you much! sometimes writing here (blogging) and reading how ppl react to it can be very theraputic... i dont know how... but i think it is :D
Homa Jeee!! nice of you to drop by! :D and thank you for thou compliments!! u are too kind!
Marium!!! my friends are the bomb arnt they??! :D hehehe!! thank you to you as well :)!! iam glad ur gonna stick around with us :) ull like it here! as for my lectures... blukh!! :$ its just that they talk silly stuff and more often than not they are absent:)
sadaf!! my frieeeeeeennd !!! buddy!! thou hast returned!! yay!! good to have u back again!!! array bhai camus is on the shelf for now... harry potter in my hands!!! ooh the book is dilicious!! :D tell us all about ur trip also!! :D
homa!! hehehehe!! some where around here :D
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