tribal design that looks like a dragon to me... made on me bathroom door... 

random somthing i found... goes with present mood and post.. :) 

Recess Files... Contd

Betrayal in the air… So thick, the smell it wafts around me… Covers everything you touch… Every word that you speak is coated in it… like drops of sweet nothings that I would so desperately like to believe… Every gesture one moment too late… every utterance confirming this fate… Do you really think no one could tell? Did you really think that I wouldn’t be able to smell the stench of it all? Your crap? Your guile?

You know I really didn’t deserve this… and then you question my silence… because I would rather not have you speak at all than let you lie again… it was that simple yet you did not understand… now you tell me? Who is to blame for the distance you are feeling? Is it me, for trying…? Is it me, for caring…? Is it me for giving in? Tell me…?

To me you are as lost as I am to myself… but at least I can salvage something from this wreck I call me! Yes salvage! Constantly caught up in yourself… you forget those who actually should matter and would always care without the justifications you seek! YOU blame me of being aloof!! Don’t you dare!! Can I help it!??

You break little parts of me and yet I let you… hoping that you will come around! That you would finally see that I have been so good to you and now all I can feel is bad? WHY!? WHY!? It would take you less than a second to sell me out around the bend and you claim to lay your life down if I requested? Funny enough isn’t it? When I am the one with the tortuous mangled body on the floor? I am already dead so claim not what you never could fulfill!

Let us see what you have left in you when I am gone… when I will no longer be around for you to lean on!? When your all alone as I am now?! Will you find the solace that you are so desperately digging for in a ground that’s so cold and hard your fingers are numb?
And so I will wait… and I will watch from afar… but I will not laugh and nor will I envy, if you find true respite in any way… and now for the first time in a long time I wish you gone… and make real this distance you only once felt…

thats me... lookn dangerous:D 

Recess Files... Contd...

Shimmer and fly…
Bleed and try…
Feel the pain and cry…
Quiver and die…
Close your eyes and sigh…

Its just you, me and this great big lie…

listenin to anouk-losing my religion, damien rice-volcano, portishead... in a very chilled out mood:)